i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
