I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
