just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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