I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
