Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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