I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
