dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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