You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
