Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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