ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
