oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
