I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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