i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
