So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
