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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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