wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
