It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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