i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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