1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
