Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want to fling myself into the sun
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
