you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize