this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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