i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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