What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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