Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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