Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
