hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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