he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
