I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
