life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
