The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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