tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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