ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
