my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
