is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize