Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
