you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize