Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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