I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
