; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
