She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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