Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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