so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
