don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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