I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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