Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
