C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize