I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
