i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
