it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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