I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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