her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
being pregnant is like rehab
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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