pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
