Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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