did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
