he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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