Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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