u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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