The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
