2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So many bounce houses so little time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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